Things you wouldn't read in a children's book

Cry thief, go on, you want to...

Hardback: £ 14.99

Publisher: Boxtree

'After one too many bangs on the head, Mr Bump suddenly flipped and went on a killing spree!'

'You can call it a wardrobe, to me it's a closet,' said Peter, as he flounced into Narnia.

'Unfortunately the Princess Rapunzel suffered from female alopecia and so the Prince plummeted to a horrible death.'

'Cinderella had two ugly sisters - and one of them went out with Lembit Opik.'

'The wolf huffed and puffed - because he had an allergy to pigs.'

'Chapter One: Janet and John go Feral.'

...and suddenly, Peter Rabbit and all the flopsy bunnies developed Myxomatosis and died horribly.