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'After one too many bangs on the head, Mr Bump suddenly flipped and went on a killing spree!'
'You can call it a wardrobe, to me it's a closet,' said Peter, as he flounced into Narnia.
'Unfortunately the Princess Rapunzel suffered from female alopecia and so the Prince plummeted to a horrible death.'
'Cinderella had two ugly sisters - and one of them went out with Lembit Opik.'
'The wolf huffed and puffed - because he had an allergy to pigs.'
'Chapter One: Janet and John go Feral.'
...and suddenly, Peter Rabbit and all the flopsy bunnies developed Myxomatosis and died horribly.