Unlikely lines in fairy tales

Stolen from:

Hardback: £ 14.99

Publisher: Boxtree

'Old Mother Hubbard, we're from the NSPCC and we're acting on a tip off.'

'Look, I know the duckling's different, but that's no excuse for calling him names. He's not ugly, he's just alternatively plumed.'

'Red Riding Hood, you are not going out dressed like that, you look like you're gagging for it.'

'There's been a terrible accident - is there a doctor with vinegar and brown paper?'

'The third pig made his house out of bricks - which soon plummeted in value.'

'Tom, Tom, the piper's son - invented satnav.'

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:-)