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'Anne found Dick's limp, headless body chained to a lamppost with the message: Stay off our patch. The Secret Seven.'
'Remember, Noddy,' warned PC Plod, 'if anyone asks, you fell down the stairs.'
'Right!' said George. 'This summer's mystery is to find out who got Anne pregnant!'
'Come on. Our work is done,' said Anne. 'Let's get home and celebrate with 20 Lambert & Butler, a tube of Pringles and lashings of cheap, super strength cider.'
'This holiday,' said Julian, 'the Famous Five will find out what lies behind the current spate of teenage stabbings.'